If you're a previvor who has already gone through all of your necessary surgeries then you know what I'm talking about. If you're a previvor who is waiting to have their Preventative Double Mastectomy (PDM) then hopefully this blog post will help give you a better idea of what you will be going through after surgery and what to expect for the next one. And finally, if you're a previvor who has yet to make your decision to have the surgery or not to have the surgery, then I hope this blog post gives you answers to some of your questions from someone who has and is going through it. Here I am the day after my PDM:
Check out those sexy bandages and the tubes coming out from my back, what a fashion statement!!
And now, here I am...Monday (August 11) will be my 4 week pre-op mark for my final reconstruction surgery. And let me tell you, I am SOOOO EXCITED!!!! For surgery?? Nope....For the recovery?? Nah....So, what am I so excited about?!?! To get these rock solid, unforgiving, horribly uncomfortable tissue expanders out and get some actual implants in!!!! From my experience so far, I have determined that the pectoralis major and minor muscles were NOT designed to stretch as they have been forced to. However, so that I can feel and look normal, I have decided to push them to their limits....This has not been without tears, nausea, complications and last minute trips back to the surgeon to remove saline!
I am now done with all of my expanding at a measly 210cc in my left breast (Thelma) and 225cc in my right (Louise) - yes I named them :) My original breasts were a full A cup and I was hoping to have my new breasts be B cups, but sadly, my muscles did not want to work with me. The smallest implant they make is 185cc and I was only going for 210cc (which means I would've needed to expand to about 250cc). My surgeon will be ordering an array of sizes but I will most likely end up with an implant around 190-200cc. Now, you're probably wondering why I have different amounts of saline in each breast...well, that is just a whole bag of FUN that I went through that I'll explain to you!
Each time you're expanded, the surgeon fills each tissue expander with a desired amount of saline, which allows the chest muscles to slowly stretch. In my case, Thelma (my left breast, keep up here ;)) did NOT want to cooperate....WHEW was she trouble!!!! Twice I had to go back into the surgeon without an appointment in absolute agony because if felt like someone was stabbing the left side of my sternum (breast bone), my left arm was starting to go numb, and I was getting dizzy and feeling nauseous! What a power house of AWFULNESS! The first time this happened, I somehow managed the pain for 3 days!!! I was expanded on a Monday and by Thursday I had to have my husband pick me up from work and drive me to the surgeon while I was trying to hold back the tears. The second time this happened, I had just made it home from the appointment when it started to feel like someone was literally ripping my chest muscle off of the breast bone (one of the origin points) which caused me to become dizzy and want to vomit. Expansion gone wrong take 2: the husband had to rush home and I was frantically calling the surgeon to see if I could come back in even though Kaiser was closed. Luckily, my surgeon rocks, and he stayed late to help me and we removed 15cc from Thelma which provided me with immediate relief, but still a significant amount of discomfort. It has been 2 1/2 weeks since then and Thelma is still feeling extra tight and does not want to give in!!!
If you've already gone through this then you know that the entire process is more uncomfortable than painful and that it's the tightness, awkward feelings and loss of sensation that is more of what you have to get used to than dealing with pain. During this recovery process and as I prepare for my final surgery, I have been working extremely hard to get my strength and endurance back and it has required serious patience, dedication and grace towards myself.
Before my PDM I could do 10-15 push ups no problem, I was doing chin ups at that point and I could dead lift (DL) 135lbs and was working towards 200lbs (which I know for some women is very light, but for me, I was happy)!! Now, I can't do a single push up on my toes, I can sort of do 4-6 on my knees, I can't do any pull ups at all (unless they're assisted and even those are difficult) and what used to be my
DL warm up weight is now a challenging weight for me. As a personal trainer, I know the motivation and dedication required to reach your fitness goals and so I adjusted mine and had grace towards myself knowing that some weeks would be more challenging than others. I now wish I had started this blog earlier to document how I felt every few weeks while working out to remember how I truly felt and what I was working on.....but, that's the goal for the next surgery!!
I took this about 2 weeks ago while working on my push ups...I can only hold that position for about 2 seconds before I drop!!
I work as a full time Personal Trainer at a corporate health club called Moffett Towers Club, Monday-Friday 6am-2pm, and I teach about 5 classes/week as well (TRX, Spin, Butts&Guts). I went back to work after taking 3 weeks off to recover and it was tough. Mentally, I wasn't sure if I was ready to be back, physically I couldn't do much. I am so glad that all of my clients rock and still wanted to work with me when I got back even though I couldn't even pick up a 2.5lb weight to hand it to them (per surgeon's orders). I pretty much just sat there telling them what to get and what to do!! But, none of them complained and I still kicked their butts :)
At first, a lot of people questioned me going back to work after only 3 weeks with such an active job, but let me tell you...greatest thing I ever did. Going back to work gave me energy and helped me recover quicker. I was surrounded by people who wanted to help me feel comfortable as well as an environment that promotes healthy living and exercising!! So, as soon as my surgeon ok'd me to lightly workout I was on the seated leg extension machine faster than you can say "Ta Ta's!!!" I knew I wouldn't be able to do any upper body work for another few weeks and I was ok with that. I also made sure to go very slowly working my lower body as well and if I felt fatigued or exhausted to back off and rest.
Each expansion is going to affect your fitness goals as well, because as your chest muscles are being stretched and making you feel tight all over again, you may notice that your shoulders curve forward and it feels really really tight to try and pull them back (as if it wasn't hard enough already right??). This is because your pectoralis major muscle inserts on your humerus bone (upper arm bone) and since you are tightening the chest muscle, it is naturally going to want to shorten and pull that shoulder forward. Working on flexibility and stretching your upper body each week will help as you expand and still allow you to maintain proper posture. There may be some things you have to give up too. For example, Thelma is now so tight I am unable to keep my left shoulder and rotator cuff in the correct position for any sort of overhead pressing motion and thus I can not do over head presses or lateral raises.
Here's the thing though....I feel like a lot of women might be afraid to push themselves after this surgery. However, if your surgeon gives you the go ahead, there should be nothing stopping you. Listen to your body, of course, but that doesn't mean you should just continue to sit on your butt, letting it get flat and smooshed, and losing more and more muscle mass!! As soon as you can and feel good you should get back out there and start working your body so that you can get your full range of motion (ROM), endurance and strength back before it becomes harder than it should be!!
Oh, and did I mention that I've been training for a 1/2 marathon as well during this recovery!?!?! It's the Lululemon Seawheeze half marathon in Vancouver, Canada on August 23rd and I couldn't be more stoked!!! Running was the hardest exercise to start up again because the bouncing felt a bit funny and deep breaths aggravated my chest. But, slowly I was able to get comfortable with it and now I'm about to run a 1/2 marathon!!!! So listen up previvors, if I can do it, so can you!!!!! Let's get our strength back together!!!! It's hard work, but it is SO worth it!!
Stretching after an 8 mile run
So, over the next 4 weeks I am going to be sharing my experience of bulking up (building lean muscle mass) because I know that I am going to atrophy (loss of lean muscle) after surgery and my experience of how it feels to complete a 1/2 marathon with these expanders in!! And of course, after surgery I will share how my recovery is going and then the most exciting part.....I am going to be going through my own Previvor Exercise Guide that I developed and will have available as an ebook on my website (not yet launched) after I tweak it and improve it after I receive feedback from other women!! So, if you haven't had the surgery yet and are interested in testing out my guide for me (if you're a tester, it's FREE!), please follow along and let me know if you'd like to use my guide!!
(I promise the others won't be this long....I had to use this first one to explain a bunch of stuff!! Also, you can follow my workout videos/ideas and motivational quotes on facebook or instagram @fitness.paige)
